The First 500

The first 500 meters of any rowing piece an athlete does is always the most anxiety driven. It last around 2 minutes long at the beginning of your workout and it makes you think, "Wow this is hard, but i still have so much more to go". I feel like this thought process is something I see myself thinking often.

My name is Gillian Burns and I am currently a junior at the University of Louisville, and if you could not already tell, I am on the varsity rowing team. I was born and raised in Atlanta, GA (I did live in Texas for about three years but it is no longer relevant in my life anymore), have both of my parents in my life along with two older sisters and there has always been a dog or two in my life always. Many people and friends that see me on campus would describe me as: tall, goofy, a bit awkward, smart and fairly happy. This past year and a half I have had one of the biggest battles of my life by dealing with being diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. I know what you're thinking, "Every college girl goes through a sad or anxious phase", but I can tell you right now this is different and not just a phase. I am seeing a psychiatrist, a therapist and am on medicine so I am trying to keep an open mind and just trying to see where it takes me and life. I know everything happens for a reason, so even though it is really hard to deal with being a college, female athlete far from home, I am lucky to have a team of 50+ girls by my side.

I grew up in Atlanta with a very supportive family, getting to go to top schools, playing a variety of sports, as I was very tall and still am, my parents continually encouraged me to be active. It was fairly easy for me to make friends at school and on my teams but as I moved around a few times and was the new girl at the end of middle school, it got a lot harder. It took some time but I found my place in my school friends and thought I had found my place in sports with volleyball...or so I thought. After being on the freshman volleyball team at my high school, and going through a challenging club season, I did not make tryouts for the JV team and I thought my life was "over". What was next for me you ask? My dad (yes he takes credit for it all now that I am rowing in college) found the sport of rowing and convinced me to try it my sophomore year of high school, and I fell in love with it. My senior year I signed and committed to row here at UofL, which being this far from home is way out of my comfort zone I knew it was going to help me grow. Since being here I have had several roommate problems both freshman year and sophomore year, dealing with mono, two different surgeries, and a plethora of injuries, diagnosis of depression and general anxiety, several sicknesses (one that I had to get a biopsy of my lung to make sure it was not lung cancer), too many erg tests, and sexual assault from another athlete here that I still see several times a week. Do not let this fool you, I have made so many amazing memories, have traveled to places I have never been, PR'd on a lot of erg tests, have gotten a 4.0 three semesters in a row, have found some amazing roommates that have helped me more than they could imagine.

I plan on using this blog for primarily school purposes, my communications class (I am a comm minor) on social media, but who knows I might enjoy blogging about my experiences and everything I am going through. Blogging is a unique social platform that will give me the ability to express what ever I want. I want to continue using rowing themed titles or messages just because it is such a large part of my life, but I do not know how confident I am in this. I am scared that it is going to be harder than I thought, people not thinking it is good enough, making me more anxious...just like the first 500, I have no idea whats coming next or how well I will do. But I as long as I try my hardest, that's all I can do and let go of my need to control everything and just row with the flow to see whats coming next and not stress or get anxious.

A finals at my first ACC Championships in 2017 (fun fact: my boat got 3rd place!!)